[Politico] EUCO chooses violence

In the final session of the four-day convention, world leaders spiraled into chaos over whether to deploy military force against their delegates in the DISEC committee.

Tensions, mounting steadily over the weekend, reached a climax on the last day. After the European Council finally reached consensus on its resolution, the committee moved to address one final motion: how to respond to the insubordination of the DISEC committee.

Following a series of increasingly heated disputes between the two committees, EUCO has concluded that there is only one viable solution to the DISEC problem: nuclear warfare.

France, under the leadership of President Emmanuel Macron, has pledged its support. The French delegation claims to have a capable nuclear arsenal at its disposal and has expressed willingness to commit it to the campaign against DISEC.

EUCO also alleges access to American nuclear resources, citing repeated discussions over the weekend referencing their ties to the CIA. Their stated intention is to direct this arsenal against the United States itself, the primary target of their proposed strike.

The council claims this is their only remaining option. While they have considered chemical and biological weaponry for their “long-lasting effects,” nuclear arms appear to be the most efficient method of dispute resolution. The committee maintains that this course of action complies with international law, citing the International Criminal Court of Justice, and framing it as a legitimate act of self-defense.

The roots of this inter-committee hostility lie, perhaps unsurprisingly, in the meme padlet. EUROMUN's meme discourse has become infamous for inflaming tensions between committees. Off-the-record social events have further exacerbated hostilities, with accusations and slander reportedly exchanged between delegates.

On Sunday morning, Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni expelled her delegate from DISEC. At today’s press conference, Meloni stood by her decision, affirming DISEC a committee of “low-level diplomats.” The Austrian Chancellor, who had been initially absent in the committee session, echoed this sentiment, describing DISEC as “unserious and unfounded” in its proposals, citing, in particular, the implausible suggestion of peaceful relations between North and South Korea. 

The press conference concluded by revisiting the so-called “Stinky Gate” scandal. The New York Times has reported that EUCO is the smelliest committee. In response, EUCO officials framed the odor as an act of biological warfare perpetrated by DISEC. They maintained that the source of the stench was not themselves, but rather “the scent of failure” wafting in from DISEC’s visit. EUCO insists that they, in contrast, smell like “success.”