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The Maastricht Diplomat

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[The Weekly Punic] “This is a sad day for Rome.” - Fearless Carthage Reaches Italy

[15:13] Celebrations in the Carthaginian Senate. Our brave Carthaginians defeated the Romans yet again, this time around Olbia! Excitement is tangible in the air. Carthage is now able to move more ships. Our Senators draft a declaration of war against the Romans.

[15:17] Another victory for Carthage in Uxentum! We are in Italy! Our Carthaginian Senators plan how to further proceed. Debates about warships, cavalry and elephants are heated. Should Carthage organise raids? How are Roman troops and resources currently positioned?

[15:30] Some inner conflict going on in the Senate. But all criticisms are taken lightly. New information arrives: one of our ships cannot be found anymore, the Romans seem to have taken it. But our Senators are committed to bringing glory to Carthage!

[15:58] Our Carthaginian Senators published the official statement that we are in a state of war with the Romans. May our Gods Tannit and Melqart protect our fearless warriors and devoted Senators in all their engagements against the treacherous Romans!

[16:39] While we wait for more news, our Senators, filled with the deep conviction that Carthage will win this war, are discussing the construction of bronze statues after our future victory to honour our brave Carthaginians. The relations between our leaders showcase deep trust and result in efficient communication. Perhaps unrelated, perhaps not, one Senator declares: “Everyone is gay, who cares!”

[16:47] Breaking: Fifty Roman ships want to break the blockade of Messina! Our Senators are agitatedly planning how to respond. After quickly organising our troops, Carthage sets its soldiers in motion. 30’000 troops will surely be able to defeat the pathetic 2’000 Romans!

[16:56] Misery! Our humble Carthaginian citizens are dying! Did someone poison our precious Carthaginian wine? Are the Romans behind this? Are the very Senators, whose negotiations I am currently following, not doing their job as dutifully as they are supposed to? While the news about our perishing citizens is met with shock in the Senate, the Senators continue planning their battles against the Romans. What will our dear Gods think of this?

[17:00] Tragedy is following tragedy! Our fierce troops were slain in Brundisium, including our leader Hamilcar Barca. There are only Punic warships remaining. How will Carthage recover from this? As if one Senator's death is not yet enough, a new update reaches us: Hasdrubal, son of the famous Hanno II “the Great”, has died from the apparently poisoned wine. Yet, the room is lightened up after these sad news when the Senate is informed by Carthage’s triumphant win in the Messina strait. Glory to Carthage!

- Sophonisba, Correspondent for The Weekly Punic

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