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The Maastricht Diplomat

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Crisis Committee – Auch Spaß muss sein

Updated: May 16, 2021

Report on the events at Magdeburg of 12th April - 3rd May, 1631, Earth C-138:

Infighting, murder, backstabbing and a lot of hurt citizens. This summarises what happened in Magdeburg in the last three weeks. With the Swedish King winning the power struggle in his court he turned his army around, finally making the decision to let Magdeburg burn. Meanwhile the cities elites went from a covert game of cloak and dagger to an open street brawl for power, with seemingly nothing being off limits including the use of children as agents to bomb one's enemies, as was the case for the murder of Dietrich von Falkenberg. Fighting to be king of the ashes.

Outside the walls the Holy Roman Emperor tried to get his leadership in line with the priorities of his holy campaign and to remind them that they were there to take the city and reinstate the Catholic faith, not fight each other. Although generals Tilly and von Pappenheim both began to assault the walls it seemed to be little too late in the Emperor's view as he sent General Albrecht von Wallenstein to take control and end the siege. With Wallenstein's words upon arrival being "Auch Spaß muss sein" (You gotta have fun too), as he took over troops and intensified the barrage of the city. Marking the end to the beginning of the end for the city.

After several breaches of the city's walls an unstoppable tide of imperial forces streamed into the city. Followed by a last ditch effort to defend the city by de Spaignart as well as the troops of Hohenzollern, a surly unholy alliance, managed to stem this tide temporarily. And even with continued resistance in parts of the city, the raping and pillaging of the city began.

While Tilly and von Pappenheim attempt to restrain their own men as they declare victory it seems too late for the citizens to be spared of crimes against humanity. And with de Spaignart calling on all the protestants in the city to enact their own revenge against those who betrayed them rather than resist the invaders the senseless violence seems to not be ending anytime soon.

With this carnage happening in the name of the emperor the fallout of these events could tear through christendom. Having recently proclaimed Magdeburg a Catholic city once more, and having placed two recent Catholic convert elites incharge, his Holiness Pope Urban VIII has already expressing his disgust at the actions of the Emperor's men. This could develop further into a wider bloody power struggle within the Empire, perhaps leading to novel massacres whose existence has thus far only been theoretical.

We may not know what comes next, but judging from the timeline on Earth C-137, nothing good for the people of Magdeburg. Meaning that our interventions have been thus far successful in maintaining massacre consistency in this timeline, even generating massacre innovation. While members of my team have expressed concern that we may have been too successful, I stand by the doctrine of 'better too much than not enough'. We shall continue to monitor the situation and act accordingly.

Team Leader Greg 574 from the Massacre Consistency and Innovations Unit of the Timeline Variation Commision


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